Many people know that when I was five my parents divorced. My older brother was seven. We were the ideal nuclear family except for having a sister. Dad worked hard (blue collar) and mom stayed at home with us and worked with day care organizations. My dad was heavily involved in our church (leading singing, leading a young couples class, etc.). On the outside we were the perfect family. In 1982 that all changed. Dad left was married six months later and mom was left with a house, two boys, a car, and no job. We made it through the help of the church, grandparents, and other Christians that gave freely to us.
However, something weird happens to your family in the faith context when divorce happens. Or maybe I should say that in our church context and many of the church contexts of that time were this way. In that context women were “silent” in the church and their voice was mainly heard through their husband. Church programs were directed basically only to nuclear families.
So when their was no husband and no nuclear family and it was all rattled by adultery, divorce, and dad’s dis-fellowship we essentially became second class at church. It was innocent enough, but mom’s voice couldn’t be heard as well, my brother and I missed at least every other Sunday visiting dad. I can’t say for sure that the church made us feel second class, but I can say for sure that it was a real feeling we had.
School wasn’t much different. There were only a handful of us who had divorced parents and it was obvious we were different. For some reason because our parents ended up divorcing their marriage we were divorced from mainstream community.
There was a prejudice in this and I felt it every day of my life. As time went on, divorce became more popular. That idea of second class blurred but didn’t go away. I still live with that feeling and is probably why I talk about this part of my life so much. Prejudice happens when there are differences. It becomes lethal when people use it to better themselves over another person.
The divorce of my parents and the prejudice that came with that changed my life, however, what I have learned that the divorce of my parents and the prejudice against me does not define my life.
realworldmartha Said:
on November 9, 2007 at 11:49 am
I think the church has had to deal with this situation better over the years, not that there is no room still for change. It’s so good to put this out there so that people can read it 9like me) and make sure they are programs available to all. And that we reach out to all people not ones that just are like us.
Blessings
Debbie aka The Real World Martha
Candy Said:
on November 9, 2007 at 11:51 am
I would think it has given you a heart for all those kids out there in the same situation you found yourself in. And I also think it’s a good thing they have you, someone who can understand exactly how they feel. Keep talking, Michael. Hopefully they will find you because the fact that you are not defined by this is what they need to know.
Herb Bateman Said:
on November 9, 2007 at 8:15 pm
Thanks for being real.
HB